A frequent request I often get from clients is to be more socially confident or more assertive in relationships. Many of us instinctively try to please others or keep the peace by trying to pacify or surrender our power (we may frequently be quite unaware of this and just wonder why our relationships are so difficult). The problem is that excessive concern for others or “people pleasing” will rarely get the results we want and may lead to us becoming victims of those who desire to control or at the very least cause a loss of respect in those close to us. That is not to say that I advocate people becoming 100% bad asses (though we should have a connection with the stronger more assertive parts of our personality). Like most things it’s a matter of balance. If we are over identified with our vulnerability or conversely denying our vulnerability completely (as in narcissism) then we will inevitably have problems in our relationships, whether that be personally or professionally. Perhaps part of emotional intelligence is to have greater access to the different parts of our personality with greater self-awareness. How can we achieve that? Personally I will often use a number of different techniques to help clients to connect disowned parts of themselves including hypnosis. voice dialogue and even psychodrama. If you are struggling with your relationships or feel that you are a people pleaser or can’t speak your truth to those close to you or need more confidence then maybe it’s time to find your voice.
